4,3,2,1, sauce

How to make a quick no cook sauce off the top of your head, and out of your pantry...

A few days ago, we were making chicken tacos, and Bobby asked me "Hey, can you make some taco sauce, something like Taco Bells hot sauce?"

I thought for a few seconds, confirmed we had some ingredients, and said "Yeah, I can do that, no problem".

You can make almost any kind of sauce by combining various flavors and seasonings in the 4,3,2,1 formula.

Your basic inputs are "sweet" "hot" "salty" "savory" "sour" and "spices/seasonings", and elements which are blends of the above (for example ketchup is sweet, salty, and savory... but mostly sweet).

You want a moderately hot "taco sauce", it's 4 sweet, 3 hot, 2 "savory", and 1 "spices".

For example:

1. 4tbsp - Heinz ketchup (gotta be heinz. it's the flavor and texture profile)
2. 3tbsp - Franks Red Hot (it's the right balance of hot, sour, and salty)
3. 2tbsp - "zesty" italian dressing
4. 1tbsp - Spices to taste, but including cumin, and chili powder (chipotle powder in this case)

That particular 4,3,2,1 combo makes a really great taco sauce... Somewhere a bit over Taco Bell "hot" sauce in heat, but smokier, more savory, more flavorful overall.

If you want something sweeter and smokier, change it up from ketchup to a tomato based BBQ sauce.

Want it a bit saltier and "meatier"? add a dash of soy and a dash of worcestershire.

Want it a LOT saltier and meatier and less sweet? Replace the italian dressing, with A1 sauce.

Want it a lot more savory and pungent? Replace the italian dressing with dijon mustard.

You can make any flavor profile you want.

Want a much better and spicier than store bought BBQ sauce, but don't feel like brewing your own?

1. 4tbsp very sweet and smoky BBQ sauce (e.g. K.C. masterpiece)
2. 3tbsp franks red hot
3. 2tbsp A1 sauce
4. 1tbsp of mixed dijon mustard, worcestershire sauce, cumin, black pepper, and chipotle powder.

For some real fun, take that mix, add 4tbsp of ketchup, two shots of espresso (brewed not grounds), 2tbsp real dark maple syrup (the fake stuff doesn't have enough flavor), and 1 more tbsp of dijon...

...then simmer it all out for 20 minutes or so.

You'll thank me for it.

Another not QUITE a Recipe for REAL Men - Sacrilicious Experiment

So, I had a thought...

...Hmm....

Hummus used as a dip for pork rinds...

Low-ish carb (not atkins low, but low), ultra low glycemic index and load, ultra high protein, EXTREME flavor...

...and given the cultural background of hummus, vaguely sacrilicious.

What's not to like?

Maybe crumble some bacon on the top? Some feta?

Oh yeah... and hot sauce...

That's the stuff man

UPDATE: Just tried it... OH MY GOD THAT IS GOOD

Oh and as a second tip...

For my fellow foodies who like neither mayonnaise nor guacamole (and in general I don't care for sour cream either), there IS a wonderful substitute available for you.

Try a schmear of hummus.

I find it particularly complements grilled chicken... especially with some bacon. Hummus will substitute for both mayonnaise, AND a slice of cheese, in your grilled chicken sandwich.

I've got to try that with my next bacon cheeseburger as well...

Not QUITE a recipe for REAL men - LOTS and LOTS of Butter Chicken

So, Mel and I LOVE indian food. Most of our marriage however, we have lived in places where getting GOOD Indian (or good British Indian), has been difficult; so, we tend to do it for ourselves a lot.

As it happens, for dinner tonight, Mel and I just made about the best butter chicken (Chicken Makhani) that any of us have ever had.

It's been requested that I post the recipe... But I don't really use recipes for this sort of thing.

It's not so much a recipe as a technique which I tweak based on what I have available, the exact flavor profile I'd like etc...

However, I can describe the technique and give a roughish recipe.

The first thing is we're using a prepared Garam Masala powder from india. I prefer toasting, grinding and mixing my own, but it wasn't convenient to do so at this time.

For appx 4 pounds of chicken, we used:

Appx 4tblsp garam masala powder (which includes some chili powder)
Appx 1tblsp of a mild mustard powder (mostly for emulsification)
Appx 1tblsp of garlic powder
Appx 1tblsp ground black pepper
Appx 1tblsp ground fenugreek
Appx 1tsp cumin (the garam masala had cumin as well)
Appx 1tsp paprika
Appx 2tblsp salt

Cube 4lb of BSB, and thoroughly rub the spice mixture into the cubed chicken.

Mix the spiced chicken together with appx 8oz of drained greek style yogurt, and 1/2 cup of buttermilk. I also add a couple teaspoons of soy, a couple teaspoons of franks redhot, a couple teaspoons of lemon juice, and a few dashes of worcestershire sauce.

Let sit for at least 2 hours.

For this step, you can start with clarified butter... but I actually prefer to use a brown butter preparation. I like the flavor... you just have to be more careful to avoid burning the butter solids.

Pull the chicken out of the marinade and remove as much as possible, shaking it off into a bowl to save... it will be the basis of the sauce.

You will get your best results with this using a very heavy enameled cast iron pan or dutch oven, on medium to medium low heat... just enough to really keep a sautee going. It will allow you to have a stable heat, and avoid scorching.

Gently brown 1/4lb of butter in a flavorful oil (olive, peanut, whatever you like) to a nutty brown color, aroma, and flavor.

I prefer to sautee some fresh garlic in the mix here, but we were out this time, so the only garlic was from the spice powder mix.

Sautee the chicken in small batches in the butter. Add more butter and oil, and brown it as necessary between batches, taking care not to scorch or burn the butter of the remainders of the yogurt from the chicken. You don't want the chicken fully cooked here, just MOSTLY cooked.

You will eventually use 1/2lb of butter or more in this recipe, depending on your butter, and the moisture content of your yogurt and chicken.

Add all the chicken back into the pan, along with the saved off yogurt marinade from before, and a 6oz can of tomato paste. Cook fully with high heat, making sure to reach a high simmer or sautee (depending on the fat and moisture content of the mix it might sautee, but most likely this is going to be too wet) for at least 4 minutes, stirring constantly to avoid scorching.

This is a very important step, for food safety as well as flavor.

At this point you want to add about 4 more ounces of yogurt. Keep another 4oz of yogurt handy to adjust the final texture and flavor.

Gently simmer the chicken in the yogurt sauce until it is fully cooked but tender, then remove from the heat and let stand. If the sauce breaks, vigorously stir in some more yogurt.

Serve over steamed basmati rice, or with a pilau or jasmine rice, with or without vegetables; and of course, naan.

At your option you may add onions, peppers, carrots, or peas, either raw or sauteed.

The Ultimate Hot Dog

Ahh, the joys of a simple hot dog...

Now, you won't find anyone who appreciates a simple steamed or grilled hot dog more than I... Especially if a really nice one with some snap to it, grilled just right...

But sometimes... you want... MORE.

More meat, more flavor, more texture...

For those times, you need... OVERKILL

This my friends, is overkill... the ultimate hot dog.

1. 1. Start with a good quality hot dog (we like nathans, hebrew national, kayem, or pearl), either grilled, or pan fried in butter, till it's got a little nice char on it.
   
2. Wrap a slice of cheese around it.
   
3. Crisp up a potato pancake (also known as a hashbrown patty), and break it in half. Slip both halves into the bun, then drop the cheese wrapped hot dog in between.
   
4. Top with pulled pork
   
5. Top the pulled pork, with hot chili (or chili bean stew)
   
6. Top the pulled pork and chili with a thick slice of crispy black pepper bacon. 

Mustard and hot sauce optional.
Sour or garlic pickle, absolutely necessary.
Ketchup, absolutely forbidden on pain of death.

Optional, but STRONGLY recommended... If you can, get New England style "double cut" hot dog buns (lobster roll buns), and griddle them with butter.

You're welcome.

Note: The layers, and how they are layered, is important, for more than just flavor and texture. The hash brown adds structure to the whole thing, reinforcing the bun. Without it, the bun won't support the dog, the pulled pork, and the chili. The bacon acts as a cap to the whole thing, keeping the topping on the dog, or in your mouth, instead of on your shirt.

Recipes for REAL Men, Volume 29 - It's "Just" Rice

It's been five years since I published an "official" numbered "Recipes for Real Men" recipe... Which is way too long. I've written a few posts on food and cooking and even published a few recipes in between, but I haven't done a "REAL" Recipe for REAL men so to speak, since Christmas 2008.

Time to fix that...

Rice is the most important staple food in the world. Some 75% of the worlds population depends on rice and rice based dishes for the majority of its caloric content.

Plain white rice, steamed or boiled, sticky or firm; is the basic starch for most dishes, in most cuisines, the world over.

...but...

It's plain.

Boring.

It's just starch. It's plain, it's white, it's starch.

Without adulteration, or special preparation, plain white rice has very little flavor on its own. Though it offers a broad range of textures (depending on variety and preparation), on it's own, it offers no complexity or contrast (of flavor OR texture).

Or... it can be boring... but it doesn't have to be.

In a thread on The Guncounter "Things I didn't know about food" a few months back, I proclaim the virtues of even simple white rice, as a tasty meal:

CByrneIV: "For that matter, properly selected, properly made (and if appropriate seasoned) rice, is a revelation. 

Properly cooked medium or long grain rice, even if just cooked in salted water (or salted acidulated water); when cooked to the right degree of moistness and tenderness, is great with just a bit of butter and pepper, and maybe a bit of acid. 

I like to add a squeeze of citrus, a dash of vinegar, a dash of soy, a dash of hot sauce, a dash of prepared hot mustard etc... Maybe a tiny bit of fresh parsely, cilantro, or mint. Maybe a bit of Parmigiana or Romano, and some toasted pine nuts. 

I can eat a bowl of it, by itself, as a meal, no problem. 

For a bit more substance, just toss in come black or red beans (preferably simmered in flavorful liquid), maybe a bit of crushed up crispy bacon or crisped chopped ham, or some browned loose beef, pork,chicken or sausage. Or some combination thereof. 

It's not red beans and rice, but it's close enough; and it takes maybe ten minutes of prep, and 20-30 minutes of total cook time. 

Crush some fried noodles, fried wontons, fried tortillas/tortilla chips, or some ciccarones (pork rinds, beef rinds, crispy chicken or turkey skin) over it for some textural contrast."

So... white rice isn't necessarily "just white rice"...

But why limit yourself, to just plain old steamed or boiled white rice? There's a huge variety of seasonings, techniques, and additions to plain old white rice, that completely transform it.

White rice, because of its "plain" nature, can act as a canvas for an infinite variety of techniques, textures, and flavors.

A basic flavorful rice preparation is probably the most useful and versatile foundation, for either a side OR a main dish, that there is.

So... how do you get started with rice?

What are the basics?

How do you make something other than just "white rice"?

First, the rice...

There's a full range of rice varieties, and preparations, that can produce just about any texture and mouthfeel that you'd like (and pair with whatever flavors and textures you'd like).

Long Grain

For plain white rice (not to be used in a flavored rice dish, sushi, etc... ) or for a rice dish that uses loose, relatively dry rice with "stuff" mixed in; you're generally going to use a washed long grain rice. Basmati rice, or something similar is generally preferred, as it cooks clean, firm, tender, and loose, without being dry or sticky. It's also particularly useful as a foundation for dishes where a thick or creamy sauce will be a highlight, as it will not take on odd or unpleasant textures when topped with such sauces.

Medium Grain

Many flavored rice dishes will use a medium grain or one of the comparatively starchier softer varieties of long grain rice (which are generally grouped culinarily with medium grain rice), because they take and hold flavors better, and work better when actually served IN a sauce (as opposed to having say, meat in a sauce poured over the top of it).

Medium grain rices can also be good in twice cooked preparations like fried rice, crispy rice, or deep fried rice balls. Calrose rice (or rather one of its many derivative varietals) would be typical, as it's cheap, commonly available, and can cook up with very different textures depending on preparation.

In general, the shorter the rice, the lower the hard starch (amylose) , and higher the soft starch (amylopectin) content of it. The higher the soft starch content, the softer and more glutinous (not gluten as in the protein, glutin as in "gluey in texture") the rice will be (the lower amount of amylose dissolves into the water making the grain soft, the amylopectin gelatinizes with the heat and moisture, making it gluey).

Rice grain and Starch?

Rice's starch content can (and usually is) also be modified before final preparation through polishing, washing, parboiling, "converting", and other means.

The vast majority of rice sold in American supermarkets is polished (thus making it "white rice"); and some is polished and washed (reducing its starch content further). "Instant rice" or "minute rice" is "converted" (meaning it's washed, polished, parboiled, and dried under heat).

Of course, most any process acting on the rice is going to reduce its starch content, and modify the texture of the final cooked rice. You can even wash your own rice before cooking, to reduce the starches it will express into your dish while cooking.

Basically, you use polished and washed long grain rice for a drier or looser dish. Use unwashed long grain rice for a slightly moister or tighter dish.

Use a medium grain rice, with a bit of natural starch to it (a moderate starch variety, not washed), for a moister, tighter, and creamier dish; or if you want to make a crispy rice, crusted rice, or non-sticky rice balls. Wash your medium grain rice if you want a softer grain, but don't want a creamy or tight texture.

What About Short Grain?

Short grain rices are generally the starchiest rices... or rather those that give up their starch the most freely. They are really a more specialized rice, great for the specific preparations and dishes that need them, not very good for anything else.

Don't use a short grain, pearl rice, or "risotto rice" (there are several varieties of rice used in risotto, but the most common is arboreo); unless you want to make a true risotto, sticky rice, sticky rice balls, sushi rice, creamed rice, or rice pudding. Those are an entirely different topic (or really a couple of topics) that I'll cover in another post (or posts), at another time.

Right here and now, we're talking about full grain rice dishes, not modified grain dishes (that's what risottos and rice puddings are. The individual grains of rice express so much starch and soften so much, that they are completely different in texture from other rice dishes).

Ok, how about Brown Rice?

Brown rice is just what we call the unmilled, unpolished whole seed (with just the husk removed) of the various varieties of white rice; including the endosperm, whole bran, and germ (white rice is just the endosperm).

In general, you won't want to use brown rice in flavored rice dishes (though there are some that do).

Also, in general, being "brown" means that these rices are going to give up less starch, and do so slower, than white rices. This makes them tend toward the firmer, harder, and drier side when prepared.

Brown rice can be somewhat more flavorful on its own than a white rice, with a nuttier, toastier, "oatier" flavor. It is higher in fiber, and can be somewhat better nutritionally (having the bran and the germ attached). However, brown rice has an entirely different texture than white rice; it burns quite easily when cooked in fat, it doesn't absorb flavors in cooking as well, and it takes a fair bit longer to cook (because you have to soften the bran).

That said, in dishes where you are substituting rice for barley, cous cous, qinoa, lentils etc... Brown rice can be a better choice (BECAUSE of the protein and fat difference, the firmer texture, and textural contrast between the bran and the endosperm).

Brown rice is sometimes be a better foundation for a clean, fresh preparation of ingredients served on top of it than just a plain white rice. Brown rice can also make a better companion to wild rice in a dish.

Hmm...  Wild Rice then?

Wild rice isn't actually rice, in the conventional sense. It's actually the starchy seed of a river grass, closer to a wheat, oat, or barley than a true rice. It takes forever to cook, doesn't release starches, and cooks to a completely different flavor or texture than true rices.

That doesn't mean it can't be tasty, and doesn't make a good complement to other rice dishes.

For cooking, you can treat wild rice in many ways like a lentil, barley, or qinoa. It can be nice to add some parboiled wild rice (as can lentil, barley, or quinoa) to a flavored rice dish (especially a vegetarian dish, as they add both texture and protein), but it's not really suitable as the primary element of a "rice dish".

Generally, if added to another dish, wild rice varieties have to be parboiled first; because they can take hours to cook, vs. the 20-30 minutes of simmer time most medium or long grain rice dishes take.

Also, parboiled wild rice can make a good flavor and texture addition to a ricelike pasta dish, like fideo, orzo, risi, risoni, mittolini puntine etc... (or ricelike pasta can be added to a rice dish, for a textural and flavor variation).... but again, that's another topic for another day.

Okay, I know about rice(s)... Now... what technique and gear?

With plain rice, you'll usually cook it in a high sided pot, saucepan, or steamer (or a dedicated rice cooker, which amounts to the same thing).

When you're cooking in a high sided pot, the lower surface area; and higher thermal mass, retained moisture, and retained heat; help the rice to finish soft but firm, and moist but not wet (when the rice is mostly finished but not quite, you stir it up thoroughly; then take it off the heat, cover it, and let it finish using residual heat and moisture).

Most flavored rice dishes are a bit different.

You'll want to start with a relatively low sided, non stick, sautee pan, frying pan, saucier, or skillet (preferably with a lid); not a pot or straight sided saucepan.

The large surface area and low sides of these cooking vessels help you evenly and quickly cook the rice and seasonings in the fat at the beginning of the process; and to cook off the liquid to the desired texture at the end of the process.

The "secret" to a flavored rice dish, is that you "cook it twice"; first cooking seasonings and the rice grains out in a fat (to add flavor, improve texture, release and convert starches, and reduce simmer time), then simmering the dish out to your desired texture (NOT boiling or steaming)

Okay, now how do you actually cook it?

First, select and gather your rice, pan, fat(s), seasonings, flavorful liquid(s), and accompaniments (more on those below).

With a flavored rice dish, you want to have everything in place at the beginning if possible. You may also want to pre-cook some elements; for example rending flavorful fat out of bacon or sausage.

You're going to toast the rice in a flavorful fat, but you'll want to prep your seasonings first, because you'll be cooking them out into that fat either while you're toasting your ride, of before you add it.

Oh wait... we need to talk about the fat...

So... "flavorful fat"... what exactly do I mean by that?

Well, your choice of fat is crucial to a flavored rice dish, especially a creamier, saucier rice dish.

You won't be draining the fat (or at least not all of it) out of the pan, it's going to end up in every spoonful of your dish. Given that, you're going to want to start your dish with a fat that you're going to enjoy eating at the end. A fat that cooks well, and ends up with good flavor and texture in the dish.

As always, every element of a dish should "do something"; even the pan, and the oil, you are cooking it in. If you aren't improving texture, or flavor, or mouth feel etc... with every element...

...well, why not, when you could be?

Most of the time, for my flavored rice dishes, I like to use "a bit too much" butter (about 2tblsp per cup of dry rice) that's been cooked out to nutbrown; because I like the flavor, and I like how well it toasts the rice, and the aromatics.

Butter has some disadvantages though. It has a high water content, so you have to cook it out before can toast or saute effectively. Also, it has a low smoke point; and because it has a lot of dairy solids (which add flavor and texture to foods cooked in butter, and enhance browning), it can be very easy to overheat and induce off flavors, or simply burn it.

I still like using regular butter though, because I prefer the flavor.

If it's handy, you can use clarified butter, which still retains some butter flavor, aroma, and mouthfeel; while offering a higher smoke point (and no dairy solids to accidentally burn). Many Indian flavored rice dishes begin with clarified butter for example (including the classic rice pilaf).

You can also use a rendered flavorful animal fat, like bacon fat, sausage fat, beef fat, or schmaltz. They have a higher smoke point, and lower solid content than butter, but still give great flavor (just watch the salt content). And you can always mix them with butter to get both flavor profiles.

Just as an example, natural homemade, or local deli made, schmaltz; is almost ideal for making a creamy rice dish (commercial "mass produced" schmaltz is garbage, and it goes rancid or picks up off flavors quickly. That's why it's not found in most markets).

Schmaltz produces a spectacular flavor and mouth feel that can't easily be replicated with any other fat (that's why commercial matzah balls never have anything approaching home made flavor or texture by the way... no schmaltz).

In fact... just sauteing rice in schmaltz, then using chicken stock or broth (maybe with a bit of acid added, like white wine, vinegar, or lemon juice) as the cooking liquid, makes a really spectacular rice side dish. It has a deep chicken flavor that you don't quite get in any dish made without schmaltz.

If you're already making some bacon, sausage, ham, sauteed chicken etc... for the dish, you might as well use that highly flavorful fat to toast the rice as well (if you are using fresh uncured whole pieces of meat, undercook it just a bit so you can finish it hot in the pan at the end).

...Doubly so if you're making a rice and beans dish; so you can sautee the beans in the fat as well (either before, or with, the rice; depending on the respective cooking times and preparations of each).

Oh and  if you don't have enough volume of flavorful fat after you've cooked out your meats, you can always just add some butter.

For non-lacto vegetarians (or if you don't have, or don't like butter; or need to use a shelf stable fat), you can use any light oil that has a reasonable smoke point; but I strongly recommend using a flavorful oil.

A light olive oil (don't bother with a fine EV, sauteing with it will burn off the delicate flavor anyway), peanut oil, sesame oil, or a prepared flavored oil like a chili or herb oils, can add a big dose of flavor.

Actually, if you're cooking large chunks of meats or veggies, you're often better off using a light vegetable or light nut oil over an animal fat; simply because of their clean cooking characteristics.

Vegetable and lighter nut oils generally cook at a higher temperature than animal fats without burning, smoking, or developing off flavors (excepting ultrarefined pure lard, which is the only common animal fat that has very high smokepoint; but has very little flavor compared to other animal fats). This drives moisture off the surface of the meat or veggies faster, producing better browning and crust.

Unfortunately, many flavorful oils (and fats in general) have low smoke points, are not shelf stable, or are just damned expensive; but you can preserve their flavor in the cooking process by mixing a stronger flavored oil, with a lighter more neutral oil; or by mixing an animal fat with a vegetable fat.

You can also preserve flavor of a lower smoke point fat by cooking longer at a lower temperature (so long as you aren't sauteeing big chunks of meat or vegetables, which will tend to express too much liquid -and in the case of veggies, develop mushy texture; or for some meats can get tough- when cooked at lower temperature).

Toasting rice in oil (particularly with aromatic seasonings) is an application that is very well suited to cooking slower at a lower temperature. This makes it easier to get the rice (and the aromatics, garlic, rosemary etc...) very well toasted, without accidentally overbrowning.

I often like using a mixture of a bit of light neutral or flavorful nut or vegetable oil (olive oil, peanut oil, or sesame oil) and a bit of butter (cooked out in the oil to nut brown); particularly if I'm cooking some meat or vegetables in the fat. This gives me some of the advantages of each type of fat, and enhances browning (the dairy solids in the butter coat the food being browned).

You can also use a mix of a highly refined but relatively low flavor animal fat like lard, with butter; to retain some of the flavor characteristics.

Basically, you get some the harder sear of the vegetable oil or lard, but still retain some of the nutty, savory, rich flavors of cooked butter. You just have to make sure that you brown, but don't burn, the buttersolids.

Really, you can use anything you like, so long as every step and every ingredient is ADDING FLAVOR, or improving texture, or preferably both.

Just don't use "vegetable oil" or "shortening" or god forbid Margarine...

...In fact, never, ever, under any circumstances, use margarine for ANYTHING. 

It's not food... it's lubricant made solid through hydrogenation...

Okay... got the fat thing... now... what do I actually DO with the fat?

You cook with it...

Okay okay, yeah I'm being a wise ass... it IS me after all...

To be serious for a second, your goal here is to build flavor, and improve texture; while also reducing the total cooking time of the rice.

The foundation of a flavored rice dish, is the flavorful fat, followed by the aromatics and seasonings.

Start out by with bit of garlic, cracked peppercorns, maybe some pickled peppercorns, a bit of paprika (smoked paprika if you have it), a bit of ground hot mustard, and whatever other seasonings (or vegetables or accompaniments that may need to start cooking now).

Cook the seasonings out in your flavorful fat before you add the rice, if you want a bit deeper, and more complex flavor; especially if you're using either whole or fresh cracked spices, or a prepared spice blend (to cook out the graininess).

I should explain a bit about the mustard before we go on

Mustard is a flavor kicker, that wakes up the sense of taste and smell; as well as helping to emulsify the fat and flavorful liquid. It's important, so don't leave it out. If you don't like the taste of yellow mustard, don't worry about it. Ground hot mustard tastes nothing like yellow mustard, and when used as described, it doesn't really add any kind of "mustardy" flavor.

Remember, this is all about building flavor

The bulk of the dish is going to be rice... probably white rice... which means every step of the way, you should be building as much flavor as possible. I keep harping on that, because it's really important. Otherwise, you're just having "some rice".

While you're toasting the seasonings out, you can add a dash of either neutral spirit to extract more flavor from the spices; or some flavorful spirit (I like a bit of bourbon, cognac, or triple sec, depending on the flavor profile I'm looking for, or looking to complement) to both extract more, and add some complementary flavors and aromas (you get a great overtone with a sweet, well flavored liquor). Literally, add just a splash, and let it cook off (flame it off if you feel like being showy).

There are certain flavors that are greatly enhanced and better extracted, with a bit of alcohol. This is especially true of hotter and smokier flavored spices (like chili peppers).

If you're doing aromatic vegetables, like a trinity or sofrito, you do that next, in the same pan, with your flavorful spice infused fat.

Once you've added as much flavor to your fat as you're going to, you saute the rice in it... In fact, you're sauteing to the point of toasting it.

Just before the rice is "overdone" in the fat (seriously, you want this stuff smelling like popcorn almost. Just before it starts to get bitter and burned is the maximum point of flavor), deglaze the pan, and then douse the rice with just enough flavorful liquid to keep it simmering for 20-30 minutes without having to stir it more than occasionally (usually about 2 cups of liquid per cup of rice).

For my flavorful liquid (more on that below), I generally prefer chicken broth, or chicken stock, even when served with something other than chicken. I give it a bit of kick with some acid, like lemon juice, vinegar, or white wine.

Pork or Beef broth or stock both work as well, but I think chicken gives a better depth of flavor (even when served with pork or beef). Vegetable broth or stock will serve for vegetarians. Fruit juice mixed with water can work very well depending on what kind of flavors you're going for. Even a little acidulated aromatic water will do.

Always have enough flavorful liquid to reserve some to make textural adjustments. It's better to start off too dry, and have to add more liquid in cooking, than to have to cook some off and ruin the texture of your rice.

Simmer it slow (do not let it come to a full boil. That'll make it hard to get a good final texture) until you can clear the pan with a wooden spoon, and taste it. If the rice is tender but not quite "done", you're good. If not, add a few more ounces of flavorful liquid, and cook that out 'til the texture is right.

Towards the end of cooking, I may add a bit of (or more) butter, for improved mouthfeel and flavor, particular if it's going to be a slightly (or very) creamy dish.

Once you're at that point, you can just cook it the remaining moisture off 'til it's whatever texture you'd like. You can stir it just enough to keep it from sticking or scorching, and you'll get a drier, more separated rice. Or, you can stir it constantly, adding a bit more liquid as you go, to get a softer, moister, creamier rice.

You can add a dash of cream or half and half at this point if you want a mock risotto. You can add cream in twice, once with the initial dousing, once at this point, if you want a creamier, saucier, mock risotto. You can also add some cream cheese in if you want a thicker, creamier sauce with a silkier mouth feel (especially if your rice isn't as starchy as it needs to be).

Finish with some shaved hard aged cheese, a bit of fresh cracked pepper, maybe some toasted pinenuts or almond slices, maybe a bit of fresh parsley or cilantro, maybe squeeze of fresh citrus (lemon, lime, whatever you like), maybe a dash of vinegar or soy...

This is the basis of any flavored rice dish. You've got pretty much infinite options from here:

If you're serving with beef, pork or poultry; add in some cumin, some fennel pods, and a bit of rosemary (with the seasonings). A bit of sage, thyme, or marjoram on top of that go especially well with poultry or pork, but not as well with beef.

If you'd like a bit of indian flavor, add some ground cardamom, and toasted green cardamom pods, a bit of ginger, turmeric, galangal, and fenugreek (or just some garam masala, but make sure you cook it out in the butter, just like the other spices etc..); and finish with some currants and almonds (and some indian or greek yoghurt if you want it creamy).

For thai, start with cumin, ginger, a bit of cilantro, some small dried hot peppers. Add some green curry paste, fine slivered leeks, and coconut milk in with the liquid. Finish with more cilantro, chopped chives, cashews, maybe a bit of chopped lemon grass, and a bit of yogurt, coconut cream, or half and half.

For mexican, start with cumin, some diced green chili, cilantro, a dash of cinnamon; and add some vinegar based hot sauce in with the liquid.

Kicking up the flavor some more... making it "meaty" with or without meat...

One of the key points in building flavor, is to never use water when you can use a flavorful liquid instead.

In most cases where you'd use water, using a broth or stock (so long as you keep an eye on your overall salt and acid) will almost always produce a more flavorful, and better textured, result.

Even when you're just boiling, it makes sense to use acidulated water; adding a bit of broth or bullion, some vinegar or hot sauce, some fresh citrus, salt, aromatics etc... Hell, even for pasta, potatoes, or other starches or vegetables, (unless doing so would modify the starches or proteins of what you're doing in an undesirable way), you'll get more flavor with adulterated water.

The point is to always be adding flavor, not just liquid.

If you don't have a stock or broth handy, you can make a basic aromatic acidulated liquid with about 90 seconds of prep.

Just add salt, cracked black pepper, malt vinegar or vinegar based fermented pepper hot sauce, some soy sauce, some worcestershire sauce, some fresh chopped up up and squeezed citrus (with the rind), and some fresh aromatic herbs (and maybe a trinity, sofrito, or mire poix).

Add some apple juice, orange juice, lemon juice, grape juice, or wine if you have some.

Simmer it all together for about 10 minutes (without letting it boil) for a brighter, fresher flavor; or boil it for 90 seconds to five minutes.

In classical technique terms, that's a basic court-bullion right there.

You can make a vegetable stock or broth pretty simply (and cheaply), in just a few minutes more.

Chop up and sauté in oil (or butter if you're not making it vegetarian. I like a light but flavorful cold pressed but not extra-virgin olive oil), some garlic, onions, peppers, carrots, and celery; with cracked black pepper, hot mustard, cumin, fennel, sage, thyme, and rosemary.

If you can salt and rest the chopped veggies an hour before you make your broth, you'll get a better result.

Add in some mushrooms or dried mushroom if you like. Dried mushrooms especially can add a lot of umami to a vegetable broth. You can add some nice dried tomatoes, as an umami booster as well.

Sauté them all 'til lightly browned, or even properly caramelized. The longer you cook the veggies, the less "fresh" flavor you'll get, but more depth of flavor, and umami you get.

In general, no matter what flavor profile I'm going for, I like to add some umami and flavor kickers to my flavorful liquid.

I like to add some vinegar based hot sauce; or some malt, wine, cider, or balsamic vinegar (anything that has been naturally fermented). This adds umami and depth of flavor. You can also add a bit of soy, and a bit of worcestershire sauce at this stage to build even more depth of flavor and umami.

Be sure to use a natural brewed soy, otherwise you don't get the big glutamate hit. Soy goes into almost anything that has salt (which is almost anything) as a flavor enhancer (just be careful of total salt content). Soy doesn't make food taste"asian" unless you use a lot of it, or add something like hoisin, plum suce, fish sauce etc...

I put a dash of soy, and a dash of a fermented pepper hot sauce in almost everything, to help wake up the pallet and enhance umami.

Remember, you're not going for a final flavor here, you're just adding that extra bit of depth, complexity, and savory feel.

So.... Is there any actual specific recipe stuff here?

Ehh... not really... that's kinda the point of flavorful rice dishes... It's more about technique, and options, and ideas than it is about a recipe.

To make a beautiful vegetarian main dish, fine chop and sweat some onion, pepper, and celery in when you're toasting the rice (maybe some asparagus tops too); then toss in some chopped or shredded carrots in with the liquid, and maybe some baby broccoli florets, snap peas, sprouts etc...

You can add in some lentils cooked in chicken broth, cooked red or black beans, or some cubed, sauteed, firm tofu; if you want to boost the protein.

Some fresh some chopped, seeded, salted, and drained tomatoes (or canned crushed, whole, or chopped tomatoes) can be added at this point if you like (you can peel them if you like, but it's not necessary. Just chop them very fine if they aren't peeled). They'll also add a bit of freshness, some sweetness and acidity, and some depth of flavor. Sautee them out 'til they're almost browned into a paste, and you'll add a lot of umami (at the expense of freshness and sweetness).

If you add fresh or canned (peeled, seeded) tomatoes, a bit of fresh basil and fresh oregano would be highly complementary.

For a very much NOT vegetarian dish, add in some cooked red or black beans and some sliced and crisped spanish chorizo or portuguese linguica, or some marinated and sauteed chicken pieces.

For dirty rice, saute some andouille or linguica (or taso if you can get it), and some chicken livers, and toss that in with some chicken flavored rice; with some red or black beans.

Red beans and rice isn't far off from this.. and the same basic techniques can be used in making the New Orleans classic. Soak the beans first, and saute them in the fat before you add the rice (to equalize cooking time).

Or for a variant on the most basic fundamental singaporan dish there is, make a chicken flavored rice base, and serve with boiled chicken on top, for "chicken rice".

Oh... and most of these dishes can be very easily converted into soups or stews, just by adding more stock or broth at the end of cooking; along with perhaps a bit more acid, some hard cheese, and more beans or meat (and more dairy for creamier soups).

Really, there's just an infinite variety available to you.


And be sure to check out:

Recipes for REAL Men, Volume 28 - The Nog Abides
Recipes for REAL Men, Volume 27 - That's too turducken hard
Recipes for REAL Men, Volume 26 - Hot Smoke
Recipes for REAL Men, Volume 25 - That's a Spicy Polpette
Recipes for REAL Men, Volume 24 - It's Meat, in Loaf Form
Recipes for REAL Women, Volume 23 - Some Like it Hot
Recipes for REAL Women, Volume 22 - Full Fat, Full Dairy, All Killer, No Filler
Recipes for REAL Women, Volume 21 - Forget About the Dough Boy
Recipes for REAL Men, Volume 20 - QDCBS (Quick and Dirty Chili Bean Stew)
Recipes for REAL Men, Volume 19 - Chicken Salmonella
Recipes for REAL Men, Volume 18 - I'll give YOU a good stuffing turkey (1)
Recipes for REAL Men, Volume 17 - REAL Coffee
Recipes for REAL Men, Volume 16 - DTG (Damn That's Good) dip
Recipes for REAL Women, Volume 15 - More Chocolate Than Cookie
Recipes for REAL Women, Volume 14 - Millions of Peaches
Recipes for REAL Women, Volume 13 - Mels 10,000 Calorie Butter Cookies
Recipes for REAL Men, Volume 12 - Lard Ass Wings
Recipes for REAL Men, Volume 11 - Bacon Double Macaroni and Cheese
Recipes for REAL Men, Volume 10 - It's the meat stupid
Recipes for REAL Men, Volume 9 - Labor Day Potatos
Recipes for REAL men, Volume 8 - It's a pork fat thing
Recipes for REAL men, Volume 7 - It may not be Kosher...
Recipes for REAL men, Volume 6 - Andouille Guiness Chili
Recipes for REAL men, Volume 5 - Eazza the Ultimate Pizza
Recipes for REAL men, Volume 4 - Two Pound Meat Sauce
Recipes for REAL men, Volume 3 - Highbrow Hash
Recipes for REAL men, Volume 2 - MuscleCarbonara
Recipes for REAL men, Volume 1 - More Beef than Stew

Random Recipe - BBQ sauce

A friend of mine was cooking ribs last night and his recipe called for about 10 cups of BBQ sauce. He was using Bullseye, which I find far too sweet and syrupy; so I decided to post my pork barbecue sauce recipe.

I've posted other BBQ sauce recipes before, most notably in my big BBQ recipe post "Hot Smoke"; but this one is simpler, quicker, easier, and specifically pork centric.

Quicky pork BBQ sauce:

1 cup apple cider
1 cup strong black coffee
1/2 cup apple cider vinegar
1/2 cup franks red hot or similar vinegar based mild hot sauce
1/2 cup yellow mustard
1 tblsp soy sauce
1 tblsp worcestershire sauce
2 cups brown sugar
4 tblsp fresh ground black pepper
2 tblsp cumin
1 tblsp garlic powder
1 tblsp chipotle powder or smoked paprika (for hotter, or not as hot but still smoky flavor)

Bring the liquids to a simmer and add the dry ingredients, then reduce to desired consistency... DO NOT BOIL, it will change the flavor completely, and not in a good way.

You can adjust the brown sugar to change both sweetness AND thickness; but remember, everything will concentrate while reducing. Also, more aromatic or brighter flavors will tend to mute with longer cooking.

To make it a more general BBQ sauce, particularly for beef or chicken; add 1 cup of ketchup, or 6oz of tomato paste.

You can also substitute red wine, and red wine vinegar; for the apple cider and apple cider vinegar. This is particularly good with beef.

For different character to the sweetness, you can substitute honey, molasses, or my favorite, dark maple syrup (the real thing. The other stuff is just corn syrup with flavoring); for all or part of the brown sugar.

For those into food chemistry, molecular gastronomy etc... you'll note these ingredients are heavy in glutamates for extra umami.

Celebrate World Vegetarian Day With Us

In the only way world vegetarian day should be celebrated:

That would be 1/4lb of bacon, cut into chunks and fried crisp; then 1/4 pound of corned beef torn to shreds, and 1lb of ground beef, fried in the bacon fat.

The bacon and corned beef give you all the salt you need, but we added a bit of black pepper, ancho chili, garlic, hot mustard, and cumin to complement the beef and bacon (and bacon fat).

Just after we took this pic we added some habanero hot sauce and some cheese, and served it all up as tortas (on telera rolls); with a side of tater tots (baked, since we've got enough fat with that bacon grease).

The combination and contrast of flavors and textures, between the crunchy bacon and tater tots, the firm beef, creamy cheese (and the sauce created by the mix of fat, hot sauce, and cheese) and the soft pillowy torta roll is just great.

If I had wanted to up the starch content even further, I could have tossed some nice black beans in the mix, or even served this with rice and beans (and a lot more hot sauce).

Recipes for REAL Men: "Making do" sometimes means "making great stuff"

The best thing about a restricted diet, is that it makes you do the things you wanted to do anyway, but were "too convenient not to/you were too busy to/you were too lazy to" do anyway.

One of Mels favorite things to do in the entire world, is to bake fresh homemade bread.

So a couple days ago, for the first time all year, Mel made a sourdough starter. Last night, she used that starter to make up a couple starter sponges for a slow condition and first rise*, when she woke up she used the sponge to make up a couple of loaves; and now as I write this, a couple loaves of homemade sourdough are on a secondary rise.

In 45 minutes or so, my house will be filled with the glorious smell of fresh, hot, homemade sourdough bread baking.

* A sponge left conditioning overnight and a slow rise, are one pretty easy way to get spectacular bread with great texture and flavor; without the use of commercial dough conditioners that give you a quick rise, but use things like soy and iodate, which I can't have on my restricted diet

One of MY favorite things in whole world is a nice roast beef sandwich, on sourdough.

No commercial bread allowed? No problem.

No commercial cold cuts allowed though... is a problem. Commercial cold cuts use "flavor enhancers"and "freshness stabilizers", including brines and injections, which can contain iodine.

Or rather, it WOULD be a problem, if we didn't know how to do our own. That's why we've got a meat slicer after all.

Besides, doing it yourself is FAR cheaper, and far tastier, than commercial cuts.

Last week, while we had friends from The Guncounter forums visiting, we smoked a whole 15lb turkey, a 5lb pork loin, and a 10lb brisket point.

The whole pork loin and about 1/3rd the turkey and brisket were scarfed that night, but we have been eating the leftovers ever since.

Let me tell you, a home smoked turkey, rubbed with BBQ rub and slow smoked for 8 hours at 220 degrees... You will NEVER have a better turkey sandwich in your life.

I don't need to tell my readers how great a BBQ brisket sandwich is.

Monday afternoon, we took a 10 pound top round roast ($3.29 a pound), rubbed it down with our favorite spice blend (mostly salt, pepper, and garlic powder, but also paprika, cumin, hot mustard, and a bit of powdered chili pepper); and slow roasted it at 250 degrees until the center hit just over 125. Then we shut the heat off in the oven and let it rest for 20 minutes.

We cut the small ends of the roast off and had thick sliced roast beef with sautéed scallopped potatoes for dinner; leaving us with about 8 pounds of big, thick, rare roast beef to stick in the chiller.

We're going to shave a lot of that nice and thin for sandwiches for the next week or so; freezing what we don't eat fresh, to make fried steak sandwiches from later.

Some of it we'll cut into 1/4" thick slices and simmer in homemade gravy for open face sandwiches, or to serve over smashed potatoes.

Some of it will get that same 1/4" thick slicing; but be griddled to get a seared edge on, and served as hot seared beef, with hot mustard and steak sauce.

When it starts to get a little gray, we take the rest, dice it up into little cubes, and simmer it in barbecue sauce, to make some nice loose meat barbecue.

Next week, as our last smoke of the season, we'll probably corn our own brisket ($4.19 a pound), for corned beef, then smoke half (or all) of it to make our own pastrami (which lasts a few weeks in the fridge... if we don't eat it all first of course).


Oh and dairy free gravy isn't too much of a problem; even without margarine.

Last week, when we smoked the whole turkey, we collected all the drippings (not very much actually because slow smoking preserves a lot of moisture in the bird... Mostly just rendered fat). We used all that liquid and rendered fat, (and of course the carcass and the skin) to make a couple gallons of stock.

Once the stock was done we refrigerated it, which gelled it (and pushed a good half pound of turkey to the surface), we skimmed that smokey turkey fat off the top and salted it.

To make soups and gravies without butter, we use salted rendered smoked turkey fat; and finish out the creamy texture with riced smashed potatoes instead of cream.


And of course, there's the pork...

Saturday, we picked up a 15lb pork butt ($1.79 a pound), and broke it down into 2.5lb chunks.

One chunk went to italian sausage. One to asian sausage (which we'll use to make dumplings, pork buns, fried wontons, and potstickers). One to chorizo. They're all in the fridge or freezer now.

One chunk went to carne adobada with black beans and rice for Sunday dinner (and Monday lunch).

In the next few days, we'll probably do some as BBQ pulled pork. We may do some tacos or burritos with home made tortillas, rice and black beans.

So yeah, going without butter, or eggs, or cheese, or milk; or all those commercial products; is a pain...

....But it's not like we're stuck eating granola.

My world famous Two Pound Meat Sauce, UPDATED

The World Famous Two Pound Meat Sauce

Ingredients:

2 pounds extra lean ground beef (80/20 is best for this. 70/30 is a bit fatty)
OR
2 Pounds coarsely chopped stew beef (you may need to add more butter to the sauce with this)
OR
Mix 1 pound of chopped beef, with 1 pound of 70/30 ground beef (for more flavor and texture)

2 pounds of mixed hard Italian cheeses, fine ground (parmagiano, romano, asiago, grana padano etc...)
2 pounds flavorful italian sausage (garlic, basil, and cheese is best, other italian sausage acceptable)

2 pounds fresh seeded, diced, salted (to de-water them a bit) and crushed sauce tomatoes
OR
1 large can (24-32 oz depending on brand) crushed sauce tomatoes (san marzano, roma, etc...)
OR
1 large can tomato puree (sauce tomatoes preferred)

12-24 oz unsweetened tomato paste (depending on thickness, sweetness, and your tomatoes)
1/2 cup olive oil (strongly flavored, but extra virgin isn't necessary unless you want to use it)
8 tblsp of butter
1/2 cup cream

Optional:

2 large onions diced fine (optional)
2 large peppers diced medium (1/4" or a bit larger - optional)
2 cleaned and trimmed celery stalks, diced fine (optional)
1-2 cup of diced dried mushrooms (shitaki, porcini, something with strong umami. Optional)

Cooking liquid:

2 cups red wine
1 cup strong beef broth (from concentrate is fine)
1 cup louisiana vinegar hot sauce (Franks red-hot, Louisiana hot, Texas Pete etc... to taste)
1/2 cup balsamic, red wine, cider or malt vinegar (balsamic will be sweeter with more umami)
1/2 cup of vodka
1/4 cup soy sauce (natural brewed only)
2 tblsp worcestershire sauce
Juice of 1 whole lemon

Fresh Seasoning:

4-8 cloves of garlic (crushed and minced very fine, to taste)
6 tbslp fresh oregano, minced fine (about 1 whole supermarket refrigerator case package, to taste)
6 tblsp fresh basil, minced fine
4 tblsp fresh parsley, minced fine (yes, fresh parsely. It's not a garnish, it's a very nice herb)
2 tblsp fresh rosemary, minced fine

Dried Seasoning:

6 tblsp fresh cracked black pepper (or more, to taste)
4 tblsp chili flakes
4 tblsp smoked paprika (hot is fine if you can't find smoked. Either are preferred to sweet)
4 tblsp hot mustard powder (this is not for mustard flavor, it's for pungency and emulsification. to taste)
2 tblsp powdered chilis (to your own taste. I use cayenne, chipotle, serrano, or arbol)
2 tblsp whole fennel seed
2 tblsp ground fennel
2 tblsp ground cumin
1 tblsp celery salt
1 tblsp onion powder
1 tblsp garlic powder
1 tblsp dried oregano
Salt to taste

Preparation:

Prepare your tomatoes, by washing, seeding, chopping, and salting them, then letting them drain. Reserve the tomato water from draining to add to your flavorful cooking liquid. After 20-30 minutes or so, crush the drained tomatoes, then blend or process them into a medium puree with some chunkiness to it (obviously, if you start with canned crushed tomatoes, only the final step is necessary).

Season your ground beef with about 1tblsp each of all the dried seasoning (including all the celery salt, onion powder, garlic powder, and dried oregano); thoroughly mixing the seasonings in with the meat. Leave your seasoned meat to the side to let the flavors meld (you are almost making a ground beef loose sausage here).

Finely grind, or microplane, your mixed italian hard cheeses, to the texture of cornmeal or finer.

Crush and mince the garlic, and dice the onions, peppers, and celery.

Heat half the oil in a 6-8qt thick bottomed sauce pot (all-clad or equivalent, with cover), large saucier (if reducing the recipe, or if you can find a saucier that large) or dutch oven (heavy enameled cast iron is excellent for this).

I personally tend to use one of my enameled cast iron dutch ovens, as I think they produce the best results with my cooktop.

Add half the butter into the sauce pan, and cook it out to a nutty brown stage (cooking off the water), being careful not to overbrown or burn the butter solids.

While the butter is browning, put the sausage on a rack with a drip pan, and set it to broil in the oven or broiler. You should time the sausage so that it will be lightly broiled (get some char or at least deep color, but do not crisp the skin too much, and be sure to turn the sausages to cook evenly without drying out) by the time your meat is browned. Remember, you will be collecting the drippings for use in the sauce, so you don't want them to burn (you can put a skim of water in your drip pan to avoid burning if necessary)

Add the crushed and minced garlic to the sauce pan, and sautee in the oil and butter, until it's very fragrant and lightly browned. As you should have crushed and minced the garlic very fine (I use the palm of my hand pounding the garlic under the flat of my chefs knife, then mince fine, then crush again), it should half way disintegrate into the oil, with a bunch of small golden brown bits.

Once the garlic is lightly browned add the rosemary whole fennel seed, and half the chili flakes; and toast them in the oil for a few seconds (until they become fragrant).

Add the onions, peppers, celery, and mushrooms if you are using them, and sweat them out in the oil and butter 'til the mushrooms are soft, and the onions and celery are soft and translucent (you can carmelize them for additional sweetness and depth of flavor).

I'm allergic to onions and don't like mushrooms, so I don't bother with them; but they do add depth of flavor and umami.

Slowly crumble the seasoned ground beef into the pot, browning as you go. Depending on your burner, your pot, and your beef, you may need to do this in several small batches. If you do it in small batches, you can reserve them off to the side, then toss them all back into the pot at the end to brown and combine flavors for 2-3 minutes.

You can also brown the beef separately in a large skillet, or cook the beef by spreading it into a 1/2 layer on a sheet pan, and broiling 'til crusty brown on top (be careful not to overcook and dry out the meat), then crumbling it fine.

Once the meat is browned, reserve it off to the side (leaving the drippings in the sauce pan). If you cooked the meat in a separate pan, drain the drippings into the sauce pan.

The sausages should now be done. Slice them into uneven slices from 1/4" to 1/2" thick (this will add textural variation), and add them to the reserved ground beef; draining the sausage drippings back into the sauce pan.

Add the remaining olive oil and butter into the sauce pan with the meat drippings, and cook the butter out to nutty brown as before.

While the butter is cooking out, prepare your flavorful liquid as above (adding the reserved tomato water if you drained fresh tomatoes).

You'll note, most of these liquids are fermented (wine, vodka, louisiana hot sauce, vinegar, worcestershire), which is a HUGE umami booster, and is important to the flavor characteristics of the sauce. Also, the alcohol in the vodka and wine are important to releasing additional flavor from the seasonings and the tomatoes.

This liquid should be strongly acidic, sweet, fruity, peppery, salty, and beefy all at the same time... Essentially it's a combination of big umami boosters, alcohol, and acid to cut through the sweetness of the tomato paste, and the fattiness of the meat, cheese, butter, and oil.

When the butter is finished cooking out, add 12oz (or 18oz if you have a smaller can of crushed or pureed tomatoes) of tomato paste to the sauce pan, and brown the tomato paste in the butter and oil, stirring constantly to avoid burning.

Yes, you want to brown the tomato paste. This builds even more umami, and converts some of the sugary sweetness of the tomato paste, to a richer, more complex carmel like sweetness, with some bitter and nutty notes.

Just before the tomato paste goes from "browned" to "oops I think I screwed it up", add about 1/4 of your cooking liquid, and thoroughly deglaze the sauce pan, making sure to scrape the fond off the bottom and sides. Then add your reserved meat (and whatever drippings may remain with it) back into the pan, stirring vigorously to thoroughly coat the meat with the thick liquid.

Continue cooking this out until the meat takes on almost a glaze, then add another 1/4 of the cooking liquid.

Turn the heat back up to a medium high flame or burner, and add 2/3-3/4 the tomato puree; reserving 1/4-1/3 for later.

Stir in half the fresh the herbs and half the remaining dried seasonings and let simmer for about 10 minutes, stirring occaisonally to let the flavors incorporate. You are reserving the remaining fresh herbs and seasonings to add 20 minutes before serving.

Turn the heat down to a very low simmer, and slowly stir in about half the cheese, thoroughly mixing as you go. If the sauce is too hot the cheese will clump up and could stick and burn to the sides and bottom of the pot. Simmer out for about 20 minutes.

At this point you have to judge the thickness of the sauce. Depending on the cheese, sausage, meat, and tomatoes you are using, the sauce could be too thick, too thin, or just about right. Remember, you are going to simmering this sauce for about another hour to two hours, and you want to make the major thickness adjustments now so the flavors will remain consistent.

If the sauce is too thick, add a half cup of your cooking liquid and a cup of your tomato puree, and judge again. If the sauce is too thin, add in another can of tomato paste, and more cheese (or just one or the other for flavor balance).

Leave on a very low simmer for at least another hour stirring occaisonally. We don't want the sauce to thicken too much here, we are mostly trying to render the meat and incorporate the flavors thoroughly. Be careful not to let the cheese burn to the bottom or sides of the pot.

The longer this cooks, the deeper and beefier the flavor will be. The shorter, the brighter and sweeter it will be with stronger tomato flavor.

When done, the ground beef should be disintegrated down to very small pieces, and the sausage should be completely saturated with the sauce. Adjust thickness as necessary throughout, using your cooking liquid, tomato puree, and cheese.

If the sauce is too sweet (which it can be depending on the tomatoes used, and if you included onions), you can add more butter, pepper, chili flakes, and cooking liquid. Not sweet enough, add more tomato paste, or puree. Too salty (it shouldn't be, if you used decent cheeses they aren't very salty, and the only salt we've added is to the seasoned beef, and from the salty components of the cooking liquid) you can add more cream.

During the simmer, the fats will tend to separate and rise to the top. If the sauce is too thin, or too fatty (it shouldnt be if you used good beef, sausage, and cheese), you can skim this oil off, but I usually jsut stir it back in whenever theres enough to bother with.

20 minutes or so before serving, add the remaining cream, and most of the remaining fresh herbs; which will allow them just enough time to bloom and meld a bit. Reserve a small amount for flavorful garnish on the plate.

Serve over ziti, rigatoni, or another pasta that stands up well to a thick and chunky sauce. Use the remaining cheese dusted over the top.

This sauce is thick and meaty enough to use as a sandwich filler all on it's own, or with meatballs or additional sausage. It also makes a great hot pocket using pastry dough or pie crust, and a sandwhich toaster.

You can thin it out a bit with more tomato puree, then puree it thoroughly and use it as the worlds most flavorful pizza sauce (or just as it is, for stromboli). It's also good with cannelloni, manicotti, various shells, in lasagna or baked ziti; and it's great for stuffing peppers, tomatoes, or eggplant (which I HATE, but that's another story).

Oh, and for those of you who have an italian cooking background, this is basically a sauce calabrese on steroids.


Here's the link to the updated recipe post: World Famous Two Pound Meat Sauce

And to the rest of the Recipes for REAL Men

Recipes for REAL men - Basic Cooking Secrets, Volume 2, "What to do About Onions?"

Onions... the bane of my culinary existence.

As I have mentioned in these pages frequently, I unfortunately have a food sensitivity to the allium family, the most important member of which are the many varieties of onions.

It's not an allergy, it's a food sensitivity. It doesn't cause my throat to swell up or my skin to break out in hives etc... It just causes me... rather extreme... intestinal irritation and disturbance.

This is especially hard for me, since my favorite cuisines are Italian, Levantine/Middle-eastern Mediterranean (Lebanese, Armenian, Israeli, Turkish, Greek, Persian, north African, all related but different) south/central American (particularly the many varieties of Mexican), south asian (the many types of indian, pakistani etc...) and east asian (various chinese, japanese, vietnamese, and thai); all of which are VERY onion (and other allium), heavy.

I can take garlic (though too much unless it's stewed out or roasted is a problem), but shallots, leeks, or onions cause my Ulcerative Colitis to flare up (even when roasted, though I can usually take them in a soup or stew, so long as there aren't too many, and they're fully cooked out).

When you have an allium problem you just learn to ask about everything, and order carefully at restaurants.

Onions are the worlds biggest culinary cheat. They're a way to add flavor, quickly, and cheaply; and most chefs use them constantly. Even in dishes that have no "onions" whatsoever, anyone who was trained in french cuisine (and that includes almost every culinary school trained chef in the U.S.) uses finely minced shallots as a basis for building flavor in sauces, braising, stews, soups etc...

It's not a total loss. As I said, I can eat a little onion, if it's stewed out, or otherwise long cooked in a way that dilutes the compounds that cause the irritation (and shallots are more mild than onions). Also, the process by which onion powder is made removes a lot of the irritating factors for me, so a little bit of onion powder is OK (too much though, same problem).

But mostly, I just have to avoid ordering any dish with alliums in it, carefully ask about ingredients, and not cook with them on my own.

In fact, at least in part, I learned how to cook to compensate for my onion problem; and so I learned how to get that same flavor building effect that chefs cheat out with onions, through other means.

And I'm by no means alone. Onions are one of the most common food sensitivities or allergens... or just plain dislikes... out there. Accordingly, LOTS of folks are looking for ways around onions, without producing bland, lifeless, flavorless, boring food.

We are in the middle of prepping new content (and particularly photos) for the expanded and revised version of the cookbook, and we realized, I needed to include my tips and tricks for building flavor without using onions.

So, here they are, a few tricks, to help compensate for a lack of onions:

• I use garlic, whenever appropriate
• I use a little more salt than I otherwise would
• I use a little more black pepper than I otherwise would
• I use chicken or beef broth instead of water (always add flavor with every ingredient)
• I use vinegar, hot sauce (particularly Franks Red Hot, which we buy by the gallon), A1, or worcestershire sauce (or a combination) in almost everything
• I use a lot of lemon, lime, and orange juice
• I use a lot of hard aged cheeses; particularly parmagiano regiano and romano
• I use a lot of salted/brined cheeses like feta
• I use pickled peppers, and even pickle brine sometimes (pureed pickled peppers build HUGE flavor without having chunks of peppers in the food)
• I use a lot of chilis, of varying degrees of heat
• I use tomato paste, which I thoroughly brown in the pan, then deglaze with flavorful liquid
• I use hot mustard powder a lot (which replaces the pungency of onions nicely. Note, NOT prepared mustard, which is "too mustardy")
• I use tamarind paste a lot, for the pungent sweet, sour, and nutty notes it gives, and the umami factor
• I use harisa a fair bit, for the pungent, sweet, sour, and firey notes it gives
• I use fennel a lot (both seed, and bulb. Bulb replaces the crunch of onions, while seed enhances "bite")
• I use cumin a lot, for the smoky earthy flavor, and pungent aroma
• I use smoked things, and "chilied" things like chipotles, chile oil, smoked roasted garlic, smoked salt etc... for that extra "bite, sweetness, and pungency of smoke

Several cuisines have a fundamental basis for almost every dish, that consists of aromatic herbs and roots: French food has mirepoix (onions, celery, and carrots), Cajun has "Trinity" (onions, bell peppers, celery), Latin and Caribbean has sofrito (onion, garlic, and tomato; or onion, garlic, and peppers; depending on the country).

As it happens, I love all three cuisines... which presents a problem for me.

So, I've developed my own workarounds.

For mirepoix, I add fennel and garlic. For trinity and sofrito, I add garlic and pickled hot peppers. For all of them, I put a little vinegar in the dish, and usually a bit of tomato paste (use the tubes not the cans, so you can use just a bit), for the sweet fruity acidity.

Onions are an easy way to add a strong, pungent, savory flavor base; but actually don't have a lot of distinctive flavor themselves in a finished cooked dish. The idea is to replace that pungency, that acidity etc... Get the nose open, the sinuses working, activate the sweet, sour, and savory taste sensations all at once.

You might also note, most of these substitutions are big umami builders. That's really what you're looking to do. Boost the umami, boost the pungency, boost the acidity, boost the mouthfeel.

Let me tell you. If you use garlic, a bit of worcestershire, a bit of franks red hot, tomato paste, hot mustard, and hard cheese in a meat sauce or red sauce, you will never notice the onions aren't there.

In fact, people who don't know any better, are always asking me things like "how did you get the onions to dissolve like that". When I tell them that there aren't any onions in the dish, they sometimes don't even believe me.

Now... if I could just find a way to make my wife her favorite... French onion soup... without onions...

Medium Raw

"I've heard it said that for a proper steak, one should heat a cast iron skillet red hot, hold it at an angle, drop the steak into it, and catch it with a plate as it exits the skillet."

Ok, I'm going to have to go off on a little rant here.

Rare steak, is undercooked steak.

If you like rare stake, that's fine. Taste is personal and subjective after all. But you have to know, when you eat a rare steak, you are eating a tougher, less flavorful, piece of meat than one which has been cooked properly.

The entire idea that extra rare or rare meat is superior to properly cooked meat in any way is provably false.

Rare meat, is unquestionably tougher, and less flavorful; with a chewier, more rubbery, more fibrous texture and mouth feel; than properly cooked meat.

note: This leaves aside preparations that mechanically or chemically alter the meat, without cooking it; like pounding meat paper thin for carpaccio, bathing it in acid for ceviche or curing it with salt or smoke as in charcuterie. 

Why?

Four things:

1. Fat
2. Connective tissue and cell wall integrity
3. Fluid migration and concentration
4. Thermal conversion of proteins and sugars

The proper temperature to cook any meat (presuming it is cut and served as a steak, filet, cutlet, or dry roast); for maximum flavor and tenderness, is ALWAYS medium rare.

Let me repeat, and rephrase slightly...

Any meat, if properly cut to be cooked and served on it's own as a piece of meat on the plate (a steak, filet, cutlet, or slice of a roast; as opposed to ground, cubed, stir fried, pulled, chopped etc...), and cooked using a high temperature dry cooking method (dry roasted, broiled, seared, sauteed, grilled, or fried); will be both most flavorful, and most tender, when cooked to medium rare.

I rephrased it, because sometimes you don't want the most tender or most flavorful piece of meat they can get. In particular, you might want meat to be firmer, or crispier; or you may want it to take on the flavor of a sauce etc...

"Meat" is what we call the fluid filled fibrous muscle tissue of animals. The fibers of meat are constructed from relatively strong, relatively thick walled cells (which themselves are mostly proteins), bound together in bundles with weaker proteins, fats, and a mixture of relatively weaker, and relatively very strong connective tissues (also mostly proteins).

Proteins are entangled together in tightly twisted and curled shapes, in what scientists call "folding". To my mind folded proteins bound up together look like a tangled mat of hair, but that's a messy analogy.

When we cook food, we're doing is "de-naturing" the proteins with heat (denaturing can also be done with acids, strong bases, and organic solvents like alcohol). De-naturing partially breaks proteins down, causing them to "unfold", losing their secondary and tertiary structure; but leaving their peptide bonds intact (vs. enzymatic breakdown, which dissolves peptide bonds).

This almost always makes something made from proteins mechanically weaker, but also more solid, firmer, and less flexible. That's why eggs get hard when they're boiled, and meat gets firm when it is cooked; and when cooked too much, either become crumbly.

Basically, the less flexible something is in general, the easier it is to break into pieces with mechanical force. Flexible stuff bends and stretches, inflexible stuff doesn't.

With meat in particular, you get a fairly complex reaction to heat. When you denature the proteins in muscle fibers, they lose flexibility, and become firmer and tougher (until they lose structural integrity entirely that is, far beyond well done stage in dry cooking). However, muscle fibers are bound up together into bundles with binding proteins and connective tissues; and when those proteins denature, the bundles loosen up, allowing the fibers, and fiber bundles, to move relative to each other.

Medium rare is defined rather simply as the temperature at which muscle fibers, connective tissues, and fats; break down and weaken enough (through rendering, fluid migration, and protein denaturation) to allow them to move relative to each other; causing interstitial spaces in the fibrous muscle tissue to widen and fill with fluid, which in turn allows the fibers of the meat to move relative to each other easier.

Medium rare is a different temperature, for every different type of meat; because meats all have slightly different composition and structure. In addition to different protein composition; different meats have different water content, different fat content and composition, and different connective tissue content and composition; all of which respond to heat at different rates and temperatures.

Medium rare for beef isn't quite the same as for venison. Duck isn't quite the same as goose, which isn't quite the same as chicken; and none of them are the same as beef.

Ok, so why is medium rare meat both more tender, and more flavorful, than rare? After all, if overcooking makes meat tough and flavorless, shouldn't cooking the meat less, make the meat more tender?

Up to a point, yes; but in rare meat, the processes of protein denaturing, fat rendering, and fluid migration, haven't yet worked enough, to allow the meat to become tender and more flavorful.

At medium rare temperatures, the relatively weak connective tissues and binding proteins between muscle fibers soften enough to allow the fibers to move relative to each other; making the meat more tender.

At medium rare temperatures, the relatively strong connective tissues between hard fats and muscle fibers, and between different muscles in the same cut; also break down a very small amount (it takes a very long time for them to break down completely; thus, stewing and barbecuing), allowing those hard fats and connective tissues to be more easily separated from the muscle.

At medium rare temperatures, soft fats liquify; becoming part of the flavorful fluids in the interstitial spaces, and lubricating the fibers of the muscle making them slide past each other. At temperatures below medium rare, they do not.

At medium rare temperatures, hard fats (which are actually fats bound up with connective tissue) start to soften enough to loosen their bonds with muscle fibers and other connective tissues, making it easier to separate.

At medium rare temperatures, after the soft fats have liquified and connective tissues have weakened; the cell walls in the muscle fibers also weaken enough, that the fluid pressure inside them becomes high enough to force some of the fluid out of the cells, and into the interstitial spaces, between the fibers. This forces the fibers apart further, widening the interstitial spaces making more room for more fluid, and loosens the structure of the meat even more.

That is what makes for tender, juicy meat.

At temperatures below medium rare, none of these happen; or at least not enough. At temperatures above medium rare, it all happens too much.

In case you missed it, that means meat is both more flavorful, and more tender, at medium rare; than it is at rare, or at any temperature above medium rare.

Conveniently, with most common meat cooking methods (hard searing, sauteeing, high temperature roasting, broiling, or grilling), on most cuts of meat; medium rare is also about the lowest temperature you can get a well cut piece of meat that has been properly prepared, to get protein and sugar conversion on the outside surface and outer 1/16"; creating flavorful compounds, and a pleasing mouth feel.

Oh and by well cut, I mean properly cut for the muscle, properly trimmed of fat and connective tissue (which varies for the dish, and for the cooking method); and the right thickness (which again, varies for the meat, the muscle, and the cooking method).

Generally speaking, for the type of cooking and the type of dishes we're talking about, this means 1/2"-3/4" thick for chicken breast, 3/4" to 1-1/4" for pork chops and tenderloin, and 1-1/4" to 1-3/4" thick for beef steaks.

Much thicker and you can't get relatively even doneness across the whole piece of meat, without using two cooking methods (sous vide and searing, or searing and low/medium temperature roasting for example). Any thinner, and it's hard to get the outside of the meat browned, without overcooking the interior.

Also, again with most cooking methods on most cuts of meat; reaching medium rare temperatures drives off enough moisture from the meat that flavors are concentrated and intensified, but the tissues still have enough integrity to hold the majority of the flavorful fluids and liquified fats in. Any lower, and this intensification doesn't happen; any higher and the tissues lose too much integrity, and give up too much fluid, making the meat drier and tougher.

To simplify:

Any temperature lower than medium rare, fats remain solid, connective tissues and muscle fibers remain tightly bound together, and muscle tissues do not break down to allow fluid into the interstitial spaces. Any higher and you are driving off more moisture than you need to; therefore making the meat tougher, and drier.

Now that doesn't mean you can't cook a piece of meat to a higher or lower degree of doneness; it just means it won't be as flavorful or as tender.

For example, in the case of chicken, even without regard to the food safety issue; most Americans don't like the texture of it when served medium rare. Because chicken is already a very tender meat to begin with (because it has a larger relative volume of liquid, and both weaker connective tissue (the fibers of the muscles are looser), and weaker muscle fibers compared to beef; it's perceived by most Americans as TOO soft, or mushy, when served medium rare. For the most part, we would rather have a firmer, slightly less flavorful piece of meat, than a "mushy" one.

Most Americans would prefer their chicken served medium well (completely white, completely clear juices, very firm texture, slightly dry); than have even the slightest bit of pinkness to their chicken, never mind medium rare. I personally prefer my chicken medium (slightly pink meat, with slightly pink juices, firm but tender texture, and very juicy).

On the matter of pork... well that's a real tragedy.

The majority of Americans for the last 100 years have grown up falsely believing that pork had to be cooked to medium well, or well done; to avoid foodborne illness.

In fact, up until recently, USDA guidelines for cooking pork recommended it be cooked to an internal temperature of between 160 and 165.

This produced several generations of people who believed they didn't like pork; simply because they were being served dry, stringy, tough, overcooked garbage.

Thankfully, even the USDA has finally recognized they were wrong, and now recommend that pork be cooked to an internal temperature of 145 degrees (still higher than it needs to be, but a lot better).

That said, most people are still not willing to accept medium rare pork (130 to 135 degrees); again, because it's texture is "too soft" or mushy (and for the same reasons as with chicken).

If you asked most Americans what they would prefer their pork to be done too, they'd probably say "no pink", which is medium well or well done. However, if you did a blind taste test, most would actually prefer medium (135-140); because it is both tender and juicy, while being firm enough to not be "mushy".

Now, if you like your steak done to higher than medium rare... Frankly, it's either because you don't like beef very much; or it's because no-one has ever served you a steak that had been properly cut, and properly cooked.

If you like steak well done, you were probably served a lot of bad beef or badly cooked beef as a child, and learned that it didn't taste as bad or it wasn't as chewy or rubbery, if it was cooked more (and probably served with a sauce). Now, as an adult, the "fact" that beef that isn't overcooked tastes bad is imprinted on your brain.

Bad quality beef, badly cut, and improperly cooked for the cut, WILL taste better if done to medium well or well... Frankly it can be completely inedible otherwise; whereas if you cook it to well done, you've driven off all the liquid fat and all the moisture, and all that's left is bland fiber to act as a delivery mechanism for salt and steak sauce (and in some cuts, particularly if left untrimmed; the fat that's left is super crispy, and very tasty, like a beefy potatochip... what you like there is the crispy fat, not the overcooked meat).

Unfortunately, poorly cut, poorly trimmed, and improperly cooked steaks are pretty much all you'll get at most places that don't specialize in steak (and in most home kitchens, and at most home barbecues).

As to poorly cut and poorly trimmed, there's two reasons for that. First, because they just don't know any better; and second, particular to restaurants, it's because not properly cutting and trimming their steaks lets them claim what would be a 10oz steak if properly cut and trimmed, is a 12oz steak.

As to improperly cooked... well, most people just have no idea how to cook a steak; or what rare, medium rare, medium, and medium well actually ARE (everyone knows well done).

I confess, often at restaurants I don't know (or ones I know can't properly cut, trim, or cook a steak), I will order my steaks medium rather than medium rare.

I do this because if a steak is poorly cut, or if it's not trimmed properly before cooking; cooking it to medium will mask some of the problem.

Also, because most cooks have no idea how to properly cook a steak, and pay at best minimal attention to each individual steak being cooked (they've got a line of orders as long as your arm waiting); you have a slightly better chance of them not screwing up your steak too badly, if you order medium.

Why?

Because it's in the middle. If they screw up to one side or the other, the steak isn't likely to be inedible; and if they overcook it too badly, they'll make you another one.

Usually, it's easier to tell when something is overcooked rather than undercooked; and because they are always under time pressure and cost pressure, most GOOD cooks are going to err on the side of underdone rather than overdone. An underdone steak takes less time, and you can always re-fire it if you need to. If you over cook a steak, you have to throw it out and make a whole new one, taking both more time, and more product.

Of course, there's another risk to ordering medium, which I'm going to talk about in a minute...

Now, if you like a rare steak, or extra-rare steak, why is that?

For one thing, it's probably not true; because you've probably never had an actual rare steak.

First, in many states it's actually a health code violation to serve a rare steak. If you order rare, and they cook it to the minimum health code standard, what you'll actually get is something on the low side of medium rare.

Second, even where it's not illegal, most places don't serve a truly rare steak, because they literally can't cook one.

Most places that aren't steak specialists cut their steaks too thin to be served at much less than medium rare (because thinner steaks cook faster, and because they look like "more" meat on the plate for a given weight of steak). Unless you cut your steaks to well over an inch thick, it's very difficult to get a steak to "look done" on the outside, before its cooked to above true rare temperatures.

To get a steak thinner than 1" to rare at all (never mind it being a matter of skill), while still looking nicely browned on the outside (or with good grill marks), you need to have a special high output searing burner, and get heavy pan (a standard thin steel or aluminum sautee pan or skillet won't do it. You need heavy thick steel or cast iron skillet) literally smoking hot (about 500 degrees); or use a special high temperature grill (over 700 degrees). Most restaurants that aren't steak specialists, don't have either; and steak specialists don't cut their steaks thinner than 1".

Without that special equipment, a thin cut steak will still be a sickly grey color when it reaches rare temps internally.

Third, again, because most people have no idea how to properly cook a steak, and because most places that aren't steak specialists cut their steaks too thin, and because most places don't have the right equipment; most of the time if you ask for medium rare, you actually get medium.

A medium rare steak, is unquestionably better than a medium steak (most of the time).

Oh and all of those things I mentioned above apply to home cooks as well, only more so.

So most people who think they like rare steak, actually like medium rare steak.

There are a few out there who like their steaks "Pittsburgh rare", "Chicago style", or "black and blue"; who really do prefer rare steak... but not many.

The other risk I mentioned in ordering medium, is actually because of that issue specifically.

If a cook knows what they are doing cooking a steak, but they aren't in an actual steak specialty place, they will often deliberately cook a steak a half a degree of doneness above what you order.

They do this because they know, if they give most people what they ASKED for (and think they want), it will often as not be sent back for a re-fire as underdone.

Because people are so used to steaks cut too thin, and cooked improperly; they internalize what is actually medium as "medium rare", what is actually medium-well as "medium" and so forth.

Most people who order a rare steak, if they actually got one, wouldn't eat it.

Keeping a Promise

In 2008 and 2009, we found ourselves in a horrible situation. We were going to lose our children, because we were running out of money to fight the legal battle.

You all saved us.

I still... what I feel about that I can't even say. I literally tear up thinking about it... I just can't deal with it still.

In 2009, we raised some of the money we needed, by taking pre-orders for a cookbook of me and Mels recipes. Unfortunately, shortly after that, our legal and financial issues became... let's just say they became much more difficult, and much more complicated.

The upshot of it is, the book hasn't come out yet. It's been over two years, and the book isn't out.

Over the past two years, Mel has refunded the money of anyone who asked for it. Not many did, and a large number of folks have contacted us and told us to just keep the money, that they were happy to help out with the custody case; but we were happy to refund the money of anyone who asked.

We appreciate that greatly, and it's important that you all know, that without that money, we would have lost the kids simply by default.

There was never any intent to deceive or mislead, and frankly, the fact that we haven't published it, printed it, and shipped it has killed me these last two years. I put my name behind something and made promises, and I couldn't keep them. I HATE that.

We weren't conning anyone, we weren't acting in bad faith, and we weren't cheating anyone, and I knew that... but I HATED not delivering on the promises we made.

Let me be clear about something: In 2009, we bought all the materials, all the equipment, all the EVERYTHING we needed to publish the book. The book was written, photographed, laid out, typeset, and pre-pressed. We were in fact ready to push the button and print for a long time, but for the very irritating legal hangup that I can't talk about. Then, unfortunately, the drive the working files on died, and my backup of it was corrupted. Legal issues are no longer preventing us from publishing the book, though I am still legally prevented from talking about what it was. We also need to start over on everything but the equipment and the text.

I wish I could refund everyones money. I can't. I can't afford it personally, and even if I could, it would be a big legal problem if I did so.

We can't refund the money. What we are going to do, is fix it.

Over the next couple months, we're going to get a bunch of other things fixed; and as soon as we are able, the cookbooks will be published and shipped. It is going to take several months, and a lot of work, but we're going to ship the book.

I give my personal promise, that unless some catastrophe prevents it (I have to caveat it after the last few years), we will ship cookbooks by the end of April. I'd like to commit to an earlier date, but we've got a lot going on, and we simply can't do that.

If we could, we'd ship the cookbooks, AND give everyone their money back. We can't.

...But everyone is getting their book, with all new pictures, taken in our much nicer kitchen in Idaho, with a professional camera and lighting, and the highest quality printing and binding etc... etc...

That's one of the things we're going to be doing. The publishing company has already been set up properly in Idaho (something we had a problem with in Arizona actually, and part of the legal issues I can't really talk about), and the equipment is ready to go.

Culinary Jihad

LabRat (of the Atomic Nerds), has kicked over a nice fiery red anthill, talking about the various religious food sects out there across our fine nation.

Now I can't exactly miss this one, especially since I have had so many of these dishes in my recipes, and had several of these food feuds hosted here (or in other blogs comments) over the past few years. I started off making a comment on the original post, but it got so long I decided to post the whole thing here and just link back to it.

So, specifically, they chose to address chili, hot dogs, corn bread, biscuits, barbecue, and burgers.

A fair list indeed. It hits most of the high points, and leaves out the limited regionalisms (like steak and cheese/cheesesteak - two VERY different things - lobster rolls, crab cakes, shrimp/crab/crawfish boils, hams, chowder, grits etc...).

Significantly, they mentioned pizza in passing but did not dedicate a section to it; something we will need to rectify here.

It's important to note, this is coming from a New Englander transplanted into Arizona, who has lived and traveled a lot in all the major religious regions we're discussing. So I've at least got a fair bit of food experience in each of them as a frame of reference.

1. Chili: If it's got beans in it, it isn't chili, it's chili bean stew. Chili has meat, chilis, flavorful liquid, and seasonings in it. Anything else is not chili.

Chili bean stew is as good as chili (or rather it CAN be, unless beans are being used in the stew as a cheap way to replace meat, rather than an addition of starch and texture), it's just different. Sometimes you want beans, sometimes you don't. Also sometimes it's better as a topping or side dish with beans, and sometimes without.

Tomatoes (or tomato paste or puree) are acceptable to add flavor to the liquid, so long as they are not a primary flavoring. They can only be a seasoning or an accent. You are making chili, not tomato sauce. If you want a sweeter, more vegetal chili, add sweet red pepper chili puree, not tomato puree.

The same goes for other non chili peppers; but only if you are making chili for low spice tolerant people. Otherwise use mild sweet chilis.

Garlic is essential in chili, but it should be finely crushed and minced, and then sauteed in the fat before the liquid is added, so as to disappear into the chili.

Onions should not be used as a primary ingredient in chili. Onions MAY be added, but only if they are treated the same way as the garlic; used as a seasoning. There should not be chunks of onion in the chili itself.

If you want onions in your chili, they should be chopped raw, served on the top of the bowl, with the cheese.

Real chili has no vegetables in it other than the chili peppers (tomatoes are a fruit).

"Skyline chili"/"Cincinnati chili" isn't chili. If it doesn't have chili peppers and meat as its primary flavor components, it isn't chili. "Cincinati chili" is more of a goulash than it is a chili.

That means "meatless chili" also, is not chili. It's spicy vegetable stew.

There are two primary acceptable variants of chili: Red (rojo or colorado) and green (verde).

Acceptable primary meats include beef, pork, buffalo, elk, and venison. Secondary meats include variants of the primaries, like sausages, beef jerky (yes, beef jerky chili is quite good if you use good jerky), salt pork (great for flavoring a chili verde sauce).

It is also acceptable to make a non-meat chili sauce using red or green chilis, and call it "chili rojo" or "chili verde" and serve it OVER meat; however in general the fat in such a sauce should be meat fat, like rendered salt pork or bacon etc...

Chicken, turkey, or other poultry are not acceptable primary meats in chili. A "turkey chili" isn't; it's a turkey chili verde stew, or "turkey with chili verde" etc...

If you make chili with a fish as the primary ingredient, that's not chili, it's spicy fish stew (which can be VERY good, especially Portuguese style).

Chili should be served either in a bowl with optional cheese, onions, and a crunchy accent (tortilla strips or chips, corn chips, saltines, or oyster crackers are all acceptable); or optionally, as a topping on... anything really. I've had spicy habanero pork chili on top of vanila ice cream and it was delicious.

2. Hot Dogs: Hot dogs are BEST, when all beef with a natural casing. Kayem, Pearl Kountry Klub, the large deli type hebrew national (not the crappy supermarket ones), vienna beef (again, the large deli style not the crappy supermarket ones), or your local polish deli all produce acceptable examples.

Other types of hot dogs are acceptable, but generally not as good. Polish sausages, red hots, and white hots are also good, and are prepared and served similarly.

Turkey, chicken, or other poultry are not to be included in hot dogs. If a hot dog is made of pork, it's a pork sausage.

Veggie dogs, are NOT hot dogs. Neither are "Salmon dogs" for you Seattleites, or "fish dogs" (usually grouper I think) for you Floridians. Let's not even get into the "SPAM dog", you Hawaiians seem to love.

If it's fish in a hotdog bun, it's a fish roll. If it's lobster in a hot dog bun, it's a lobster roll. Lobster rolls are AWESOME (if done right anyway), but they are not hot dogs. Same thing for shrimp, and crab.

As far as I'm concerned, if you call it a hot dog, an observant Jew should be able to eat it (presuming acceptable topping selection).

Hot dogs are best served with mustard, preferably on a doublecut bun (crust on the top and bottom, fresh white bread on the sides, slit down the middle of the top), that has been grilled on both sides with a little butter (much like a grilled cheese sandwich).

If you can't find doublecut buns, I'm so sorry for you, because that butter grilled crunch on the sides is SO GODDAMNED GOOD. However they are uncommon outside of the northeast, so a conventional "hot dog bun" is acceptable; and can be lightly steamed, grilled, or toasted.

You can go without heating the bun at all, but 'dogs are so much better with a heated bun, why would you not?

An acceptable substitute for doublecut buns if you want to get that butter grilled flavor, and distinctive light crunch; is to buy either unsliced, or very thickly sliced white bread (as in over an inch thick), spread a pat of softened butter on both sides, then grill it to golden brown deliciousness on both sides. Slice it down the middle of the edge crust, about 2/3 of the way down, squirt a little mustard in the bottom, then insert and top your dog as normal.

Acceptable cooking methods for hot dogs are pan/flattop grilling (preferably with a little butter), deep frying, fire grilling (or grilling under a very hot broiler, if you are VERY CAREFUL), and steaming.

Boiling and microwaving are for kids, college students, the desperate, and ballpark vendors. If you can't take the extra 90 seconds to get a pan out and heat it up on a burner; or are too lazy to take the 3 minutes standing over the stove to pan grill, you don't deserve to eat.

Yes, I know, for a Massachusetts native this is heresy, because the most popular way for hot dog vendors in the state to make their dogs is boiling. Those vendors are wrong. Boiling ruins hot dogs. If you're going to cook them wet, they should be steamed, not boiled (steamed dogs are just fine. For some dog types, it's the best way to cook them since it softens the natural casing without killing that distinctive snap).

Most New Yorkers THINK they are eating boiled dogs with their "dirty water dogs" but technically, NYC dirty water dogs are steamed, then sit in hot water for hot storage during the day.

Optional toppings include cheese, chili (no beans), bacon (best when wrapped around the dog during cooking), onions (raw or grilled), chopped tomatos, pickle relish, hot or sweet peppers (or both), a crunchy pickle, and a dryish slaw.

Note, ketchup is NOT on that list. Ketchup ruins hot dogs. Mayonaise or sour cream are also not on that list; unless you are in the southwest, and get a Sonora dog.

Some pacific northwesters like cream cheese on their hot dogs... and I admit, a hot dog with cream cheese and bacon is a fattily delicious treat... but you cant taste the hot dog at all. It's overwhelmed by the cream cheese (at least if the cream cheese is any good, and why would you ruin the thing by using bad cream cheese?).

If a side is desired, hot dogs should be served with fries, chips, slaw, mac'n'cheese, or baked/cowboy beans.

3. Corn Bread: Honestly, I'm of two minds on this one.

On the one side, I agree that proper corn bread should not be sweet; excepting the very slight natural sweetness of cornmeal, and the small amount of sugar, molasses, honey, or sorghum, that are often added to recipes to give their crust extra crunchiness, and to feed the yeast in a yeast leavened recipe.

Also, proper cornbread should be made with either bacon, or pork sausage drippings as its fat component; with lard or salted butter as possible substitutes or fat extenders if you don't have enough drippings. Oh and it should be very slightly salty.

However, I absolutely LOVE corn cake, and corn muffins, which ARE sweetened (again, with sugar, molasses, honey, or sorghum), are a little bit softer in texture; and should use butter as their primary fat. Oh and it should still be slightly salty, in addition to being sweet.

Either should still have a discernible cornmeal crunch to them, from slightly coarser cornmeal. If there isn't any grit to it at all, you've used too much flour and not enough meal; or too much liquid cooked for too long.

Remember, you're making cornbread, not polenta.

Sometimes I want corn bread, sometimes I want corn cake or muffins. It depends on what I'm eating it with, and what my mood is.

If you want sweet cornbread, sweeten it afterward with honey or molasses, or apple butter; or just make corn cake or corn muffins to begin with.

Oh and if you tell someone that you are serving them cornbread, don't serve them corncake. That's just wrong.


4. Biscuits: Biscuits are NOT sweet; again, excepting the very slight natural sweetness that comes with a yeast or sourdough leavened recipe.

If you're making biscuits sweet, you're making shortcake, or a cobbler crust. Shortcake is lovely, and delicious, but it aint biscuits.

As with corn bread, biscuits should be made with bacon or sausage drippings, butter, or lard; and should be rich, tender, flaky, creamy from fat but not greasy, and slightly salty.

Like cornbread, biscuits can be either chemically leavened (baking soda/powder), or naturally leavened (yeast, or sourdough). The three styles of biscuit are very distinct from each other, but all are biscuits, and all are very good.

Soda leavened biscuits are generally lighter, with a finer texture, and flakier (and they take a LOT less time then the other methods). Sourdough biscuits are a little heavier, with a more coarse texture, and are chewier. Yeast leavened biscuits fall somewhere in the middle.

All should be very tender, which you achieve by balancing your fat and gluten content; and by not overworking the dough.

Biscuits can be cut, thrown, pulled, or dropped; though to my mind only sourdough biscuits should be pulled.

5. Barbecue: Barbecue... so much has been written about this subject... the holy wars between the regions alone can (and have) filled books.

I'm going to quote what I've written on the topic before in "Barbecue Bellwhethers" (another post inspired by the Atomic Nerds in fact):

First things first, what exactly is barbecue?

Technically, barbecue is any meat roasted over a fire using either direct or indirect heat and smoke, usually outdoors.

There are any number of styles of barbecue, including Caribbean, Argentine, Peruvian, Korean, Mongolian, Japanese; and in America alone, Santa Maria, Carolina, Memphis, Kansas City, Chicago, and Texas style, as well as plain old American style charcoal grilling (which yes, can technically barbecue by the strict definition).

Each style has its own traditional meats, seasonings, sauces (or lack thereof) and exact details of cooking methods; and each is good in its own way.

In America, "real barbecue" , as opposed to grilling, means meat roasted with indirect heat and smoke. The differences then are primarily regional, and involve sauces, seasonings, and choices of meat.

In most of the southeast, BBQ is primarily pulled pork, in vinegar based sauces, often flavored with mustard.

In Memphis, pork ribs are king, with a dry rub. They may or may not be wet mopped with a tomato and vinegar based sauce (which may or may not contain mustard) while they are being smoked. They may, or may not be served with two sauces, one a very sweet molasses or brown sugar and tomato based sauce, the other a thing vinegar, tomato, and mustard sauce.

In the midwest and southwest, BBQ can include pulled pork and pork ribs; but is primarily cuts of beef, including beef brisket, tri tip, rump roast, flank steak, beef ribs, and both beef and pork sausages.

In Chicago, its all ribs, all the time, in a sweet slightly spicy, tomato based sauce with lots of brown sugar; and there may or may not be a rub involved.

In Kansas city it's ribs, tri tip, and brisket, with a similar but even sweeter sauce; and a sweet and only slightly spicy rub.

In Texas, and the southwest, there may or may not be vinegar, tomato, or molasses based sauces involved; but you'll always have at least brisket and sausage.

In California, they have their own native Santa Maria style, which involves smoking above a hot fire, essentially smoking and grilling simultaneously. They use more tender cuts of beef than slow smoking styles, favoring steaks, and tri tip; and the sauce is based on beef stock, and herbs.

If you go to an all round barbecue joint outside of any of the major BBQ regions, you're likely to get some mix of all of the above; though it's rare for any particular place to do both beef and pork ribs, unless they are specifically a rib joint.

If we accept the proposition that proper barbecue involves hot smoked meat; and is not limited to pork (and I do), then we have a first principal to work from, and therefore can answer the question usefully.

The common barbecue dishes out there, that most places outside of an area that specializes in a particular style (i.e. Chicago specializes in ribs, South Carolina in pulled pork) are likely to have, are probably (in order of commonality):

1. Pork ribs
2. Sliced Brisket
3. Pulled pork
4. Sausage
5. Chicken (whole or parts)
6. Chicken (pulled)
7. Chopped or pulled beef (usually brisket or tri-tip)
8. Chopped or sliced pork
9. Beef ribs
10. Sliced tri-tip

Ok, so, as far as I'm concerned, if it's smoked and roasted, to render out fat and allow smoke flavor to penetrate, it's barbecue; even if it's finished with high direct heat on a grill.

If it's cooked in a sauce that may be used for barbecue, that isn't barbecue; unless the meat is smoked first.

If it's braised in flavorful liquids, or grilled, then sauced with barbecue type sauce; that isn't barbecue.

The meat MUST be smoked, the fat and connective tissue must be rendered. You can smoke it AND cook it in some other way in combination; but without actual smoking, and that wood smoke flavor added naturally thereby, it is NOT BARBECUE.

My personal preferences?

I like a dry rub, not too sweet or too spicy, with a long low and slow smoke; and if necessary finished in an oven, in foil, or on a grill, to avoid oversmoking or getting dry.

I like my pork dry rubbed, and wither dry smoked or vinegar wet mopped. It should be served in natural juices only, or at most a very amount of sauce, so I can add as much sauce as I want later. I like both sweet tomato/molasses/brown sugar sauces, and vinegar pepper or vinegar mustard sauces. I like pulled, sliced, or chopped, but prefer pulled.

I like both pork and beef ribs, but prefer pork. I like my ribs dry rubbed, and either vinegar wetmopped, or cooked dry until the end; then glazed with sauce a few minutes before finishing, just to get it hot and maybe add a little caramelization and smoke. I like a sweet and hot sauce, not a vinegar sauce (unless the vinegar sauce is being used as a wetmop during smoking).

I like my brisket and tri-tip dry rubbed and unsauced during cooking, again unless it's a vinegar based wetmop; and then sauced by me on my plate (if at all). Pulled, sliced, or chopped I love all three; but I like sliced the best.

I love sausage and chicken, but I prefer them cry grilled, not smoked; and I like to sauce them myself.

6. Burgers: Burgers SHOULD be a simpler subject than the others, but for some reason is not.

Burgers consist of ground beef, buffalo, bison, yak or venison (including elk, deer, antelope etc...).

That's it.

Some purists insist that a burger can only be beef, but that's kind of short sighted, since it excludes so many other beef-like meats that should be included.

The meat must be red, and come from a four hoofed, even toed, ungulate (bovidae, cervidae, and some caprae like antelope which have red meat).

No other meat is acceptable as a burger. I love seasoned ground pork sandwiches, but they aren't burgers, they're ground pork sandwiches. Same with seasoned ground lamb (hmmmmm... gyros

Mixed meats, or meats mixed with binders such as eggs, breadcrumbs etc... have a name, and it's not burger, it's meat loaf.

Meat loaf is also delicious, but it's not a burger.

There is one notable exception to that rule: mixing in fatty beef or cured pork (in the form of bacon, fatty ham, or salt pork), to add fat into venison, buffalo, bison, or ultra lean beef like tenderloin; so that it will hold together as a burger (they can be so lean that they otherwise fall apart when cooked).

Similarly, chopping up vegetables, onions, peppers, or anything else (again with one exception) and mixing it into a burger makes it a loose beef sausage, or a meatloaf; not a burger.

That one exception, is hot chili peppers. They are allowed, because they are MANLY, and befitting the true spirit of the burger.

As with hot dogs, "veggieburgers", are NOT burgers; nor are turkeyburgers, chickenburgers, or anyother kind of burger. They are simply sandwiches, without the hallowed appellation of burger.

Similarly, even if it's on a "burger bun", anything chopped and mixed with a dressing or sauce, or cut into the shape of a burger; is still NOT a burger. No salmon burger, crab burger, tuna burger etc...

Burgers may ONLY be fried (pan, deep, shallow, or flat top are all acceptable), fire grilled or broiled. There is no other acceptable cooking method... Though if one makes a burger several inches thick, it is acceptable to partially cook it using one of the methods above, then finish it in the oven.

The meat should be a mixture of both lean and fatty bits; neither too tough, nor too tender, but always flavorful. If beef, in general, the best choice of cut is a mixture of chuck and sirloin, in an 80% lean to 20% fat ratio; and chopped just on the fine side of coarse.

Most commercial "hamburger" meat is too finely chopped, to disguise the fact that it is mixed trimmings from many cuts. This makes for a burger with poor texture, that is too dense and heavy; with poor mouthfeel. It can also make for a burger that is tough even when properly cooked, greasy, and even "slimy".

Most frozen patties are even worse. Please, don't use them (unless you have access to the best quality commercial frozen patties, rather than supermarket frozen patties).

Patties may be formed thick or thin, depending on ones preferences. I personally like mine a bit thinner; as while I prefer my stakes medium rare, I prefer my burgers medium or medium well.

For me, it's a texture issue. Rare and medium rare burgers, unless VERY high quality, very lean beef is used; end up having a slightly slimy, raw mouthfeel that I intensely dislike.

To avoid "baseball burgers" or worse "briquette burgers", make your patties like a plastic wheel: A thick outer rim, and a thinner inner hub.

That why as you sear, instead of shrinking away on the outside, and puffing up into a baseball shape in the middle; the middle puffs about as much as the outside shrinks (presuming you use 80/20 anyway) and the patty ends up mostly even.

During cooking, or while being formed, burgers should be seasoned with at least salt and pepper.

The addition of garlic and onion (salt or powder), chili powder, cumin, paprika, hot mustard powder, small amounts of oregano, and a splash of soy or Worcestershire sauce are also acceptable; however at no time should the natural meat flavor be overpowered. These seasoning should only accent and ENHANCE, the natural meat flavor.

It is also acceptable to squirt and/or brush a burger with mustard, hot sauce, steak sauce, Worcestershire sauce, soy sauce, teriyaki sauuce, or barbecue sauce while cooking; to sear the flavor into it (double double, mustard fried... hmmmm); but again, it is critical that such sauces accent and enhance the natural beef flavor, not mask it.

Burgers should be served on a lightly toasted or grilled bun only. If served on any other kind of bread or bread substitute, it is not a burger.

Patty melts, and cheeseburger subs are great, but they aren't burgers. "Lettuce wrap burgers" are most definitely NOT burgers, nor are pitaburgers, or tortilla burgers etc...

I should note, my favorite grilled meat patty sandwich; is a patty melt, on grilled sourdough with bacon, cheese, ketchup, and mustard... but it's a patty melt, not a burger.

Cheese is encouraged, as a great enhancement to natural meat flavor; but not required. Bacon, and crispy sour or garlic pickles are also similarly flavor enhancing, and add an element of contrast in both flavor and texture.

Although I personally think onions, lettuce, and tomatoes on burgers are unnecessary, and detract from the essential meat experience (that's not food, it's what food eats); I can at least tolerate providing them for others.

Acceptable condiments include ketchup (used sparingly please), mustard, steak sauce, hot sauce barbecue sauce, horseradish (again for all of the above, not too much. Don't hide the beef flavor), and pickle or pepper relish.

I have a reservation about ketchup, barbecue sauce etc... Unless a meat is very strongly flavored naturally (like when smoked for example); ketchup, and other tomato based sauces tend to obscure or overwhelm other flavors. Conversely, unless used in excessive amounts, mustard, chili, and vinegar based sauces generally enhance them (unless they are so hot or pungent as to overwhelm other tastes or deaden the taste buds).

Also, never put mayonnaise on a burger (or any other red meat). If you don't want to taste the meat, eat turkey or something; don't waste perfectly good beef by putting mayonnaise on it.

Burgers should be served with chips or french fries, and pickles or slaw (so you have a crunchy starchy bit, and a crunchy sour fresh cold bit).

Bonus Round: Pizza

As with barbecue, I've written extensively on the subject of Pizza, and will quote one of my earlier pieces here:

There are a few different common styles of pizza, including Sicilian, Neapolitan, Greek, pan, and deep dish. There are also some pizza LIKE dishes such as stromboli, and calzone.

Unfortunately, what people from one area of the country call one thing, means something entirely different to people from another area of the country, and another entirely different thing to people from Italy.

For example, in New York city (and places that have accepted New York pizza, or chains that have adopted NY terminology), a sicilian pizza is a square pan style pizza (not a deep dish) with a relatively thick crust, the cheese and toppings laid directly on the crust, and a thin layer of sauce spread over the top; which is served by cutting it into rectangular slices.

That is basically an NYC invention however. In Sicily, pizza is much like traditional Neapolitan style pizza (what Americans generally think of as New York style, with a thin and flexible crust and slightly crispy bottom) only even thinner, and slightly crispier, while still being flexible (it's not Italian style if you can't fold it).

Similarly, what most Americans call calzone, or stromboli, have nothing to do with the traditional dishes they derive their name from.

Calzone is NOT folded pizza, or a pizza sandwich, as is sometimes sold as calzone around america. Calzone is a rolled and baked pastry dish, using a pizza like dough, and meat, cheese, and vegetable fillings without sauce.

To make a calzone, you lay the fillings, along with a dry ricotta cheese, out along the length of the dough, taking up 1/3 the width, then fold the sides over, pinching them together to make a tight seal. Pinch the ends together tightly, and fold over, flattening them against the top of the roll. Finally roll the entire assemblage over so that the smooth side will be baked on top, make some small slits, or punctures in it to let some of the steam out, and brush it with an egg and butter wash.

Stromboli is CLOSE to the folded pizza that some sell under that name, but like calzone, it too is a pastry dish using a pizza like dough. Stromboli however includes sauce inside it. Basically to make a stromboli you sauce the whole crust, then put toppings on one half, and fold over; pinching and rolling the edge tightly to seal. Egg and butter wash as with calzone, but brush both sides, and do not puncture it. A stromboli should inflate as it is cooking, and presuming you made your dough properly, the steam won't explode it.

Importantly, stromboli and calzone dough should contain eggs, and should be brushed with an egg and butter wash to produce a hard, crusty and shiny shell.

I personally like two styles of pizza, pan (not deep dish), and traditional Neapolitan/Sicilian style (NOT what they CALL Sicilan in NYC).

Pan pizza is probably most familiar to you as the STYLE of pizza that Pizza hut is famous for (only when I make it it doesnt suck); however real pan pizza only resembles pizza hut, in the same way that a Lamborghini Gallardo resembles a Hyundai Accent.

Pan pizza is NOT Chicago style deep dish, which isn't actually a pizza at all, but more of a tomato, cheese, and meat pie (not that that's a bad thing).

Let me repeat that. "Chicago deep dish pizza" is not pizza. It is a meat and cheese pie.

Yes, it is a delicious meat and cheese pie, but it aint pizza.

Also, Pizza Hut, Dominos, Papa Johns, and Little Ceasars do not make pizza. They make mediocre bread topped with processed cheeze food and tomato flavored corn syrup.

Pizza has to have a chewy, slightly crispy crust; a sauce with no added sugar or sweeteners in it, and actual garlic, olive oil, and herbs; and cheese that NATURALLY stretches at least 12" while being rich, fatty, and still sharp and flavorful at the same time.

Real pizza does not need marketing.

Pan pizza crust should be a little bit thick, a little bit doughy, and very slightly oily; as the small amount of oil in the crust and the lightly oiled hot pan almost fry the dough of the crust to crispness on the bottom and sides.

In a pan pizza the dough is spread out, and up the sides of a 3/4" or so thick pan. The toppings are spread out bmost of the way to the edge, and it's baked until the edges are brown and crispy. In general, the sauce is slightly sweeter than in authentic Italian style pizzas; though I personally prefer it to be a bit more savory.

Almost always, the cheese is thicker, and usually entirely mozarella, except in the midwest, where they tend to mix it with cheddar.

Neapolitan pizza is VERY thin, with a decent sized crust edge to hold on to; and it should be flexible enough to fold, but lightly crispy with a bit of crunch in the teeth. It should have a savory sauce, tasting of olive oil, oregano, basil, and black pepper.

A proper Neapolitan should be topped with a low moisture whole milk mozzarella cheese (preferably a buffalo mozzarella, but that's very expensive), and something a bit sharper to accent it. I personally like a mix of Mozzarella, parmagianno regiano, peccorino romano, and asiago.

Any thin crust pizza should be cooked either on a pizza stone/brick surface, or a very evenly heated and very thick metal surface with a pizza grate under the crust; so that it heats evenly and consistently without too much temperature drop, while allowing moisture to escape.

Laying a thin crust on a bare metal surface will cause that surface to drop a lot of heat very quickly. It may scorch the crust, and without a doubt crust will express oil and steam. It will cook through, but it will be bready, and not crispy on the bottom (like a typical midwestern chain pizza place).

To avoid sticking and tearing the very thin dough, dust your prep surface, and your pizza peel (or just prepare on the peel) with cornmeal. The cornmeal will scorch slightly in the oven, but it will keep it from sticking, and allow more airspace under the crust to make it crispier, and give the crust more character and better mouth feel.

In an ideal brick oven, the pizza should cook for about 4 minutes, at somewhere north of 600 degrees, or even 2 minutes or less at around 800 degrees (coal fired pizza ovens can get that hot).

In either case, the cheese should be jsut starting to get brown and crispy on its peaks, and the thin bubbles in the edge of the crust should just barely start to almost burn.

It is very hard to get a good thin crust pizza out of an oven at less than 600 degrees; but if you use a slightly oilier crust, a rimless pan can produce the desired results, so long as you cornmeal it. You should cook the pizza a little longer, at a lower temperature, and hopefully the oil will crisp up on the hot metal, while the cornmeal gives it enough airspace to let steam out.

That, in fact, is how pan pizza came into being; theoretically in St. Louis in the 1950s (lots of different places claim to have invented it). They didn't have coal fired brick ovens that got over 600 degrees. They had the big Blodgett type commercial bakers ovens with gas burners under relatively thin metal oven floors; and the only way they could get the crusts to cook properly without burning was to make them a little oilier and put them in pans.

As for other toppings, I'm something of a tradionalist. Sure, I love the occaisonal barbecue chicken pizza, or chicken and bacon... but I really prefer the classics. Make it a plain cheese, or margherita (cheese, basil, and olive oil); or give me pepperoni, or sausage (Italian pork and fennel sausage please), or both.